What Will I do Without you?

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So I honestly don’t know if I have mentioned this but my best friend is moving across the country. Though I know this is best for her it is still sad (it brings tears to my eyes why I think of it). We’ve been best friends for five years and friends for eight. And through it all she’s always been looking out for the best for me. I worry that when she’s gone I won’t know what to do. I have other friends but none like her. I always feel like I have superficial relationships with other people. It is hard for me to trust others based on past experiences. It’s even tougher when you are already painful shy.

I’m going to miss my best friend so much and I don’t know what to do without her. At this point I am preparing for her leaving. Trying to interact with others more and hang out with other friends so when she leaves I’m not completely alone. But its scary. I don’t feel close to anyone but her. I can’t talk to other people the way I do with her. It’s like we are on the same wave length and though we are very different we understand each other.

So in preparing myself I have tried to put myself out there more. Engaging in hobbies I like more and have even registered in new courses. Maybe I will meet people there that I engage with more? My relationship with my best friend is so precious. When she is gone it will be so hard to manage. But I know we can overcome that.

I suppose a worry I have (and it may be a little selfish) is that I want meaningful relationships that where I can be close to people. The relationship I have with my best friend can’t be compared to other friendships: it’s like we are on the same wave length. But I’d like some more close friends. There was a time that I had other close friends but they aren’t anymore. Looking back those close relationships may not have even been all that genuine. In that the people were not all that invested in the friendships and we don’t contact each other anymore.

In all honesty I hope that I can forge more meaningful friendships. I truly hope that by putting myself out there I will get out of this funk. But I also realize that no one and nothing can ever replace the place of this friendship…and I will miss my best friend dearly.

Hoping for positive change, newly 22 me.

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2 thoughts on “What Will I do Without you?

  1. Im sorry that you feel like that. But if you’re that close then you should do what you can to stay in contact with them as much as possible. I know my best friend is looking to move country to go to uni and that scares me too.

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