Contemplating is messing with my studying…even though I have 2 exams…in 48hours

I should be studying but now I’m rethinking my academic plan!

So here it is. I signed up for a summer semester. And all month I’ve been wondering WHY?! Isn’t this what I wanted! I was so excited to be finished early and graduate early but here’s the thing I AM SO TIRED! Maybe this is because of the exam stress and knowing that I have no time to study. So much more to study and probably not enough time to get any material for the second exam done in time (because lets face it I haven’t even started studying for it and I probably won’t till after I finish the first exam). But seriously I’m so tired. I have worked really hard this year in school, volunteering, and my part-time job. And I’ve dealt with so many things that I am still dealing with. I think I thought that if I graduated early I could get out of the situation,be making money sooner, and start making changes. But the more I sit and contemplate the more I think well maybe it isn’t just my physical exhaustion talking but actual real sense.

My problems aren’t going to go away while I’m in summer semester. Not at all. I  will be dealing with them and physical exhaustion. I feel like I just really need to sleep for three weeks and tell everyone to leave me alone. To be honest my grade point average (though who wants to know about that) has probably slipped about 10% which stresses me out even more. I am not all about grades but if you asked me what I learned in school I  probably couldn’t even tell you one thing. I worry because I know what I want for myself. I know that I am going to be in school long after I get a career from  my undergrad. I know I want to be involved in research. And that requires actual knowledge. I know that I want to travel and that takes actual grades to get into a grad program that accommodates that. I know that I have physical limitations so I can’t work in the for long hours standing for ever and that I will eventual need to either teaching or being in an administrative/or policy development role. (This is mostly going to be due the chronic back pain I’ve  been experiencing for the past few years and in my fingers I think when I am not spending hours cramming and studying they may reside but clearly I need to get this checked by family physician).

Maybe it would make actual sense to just take electives bring my grade point average up and focus on relaxing and taking care of myself. I think I should retake a course (because I really want to relay this information because it is IMPORTANT) not just pass it sufficiently and not remember anything…maybe I really do need to sleep, manage my chronic conditions and exhaustion, and just go back to school in the spring.

My counsellor will be pissed as hell if I bring this up. It’s nearly a week before the new semester. I know my program. I know their reactions to things like these. And I know how they feel about me. But who cares? Honestly, its my future. And I will be the one suffering not so much them. I know it’s late I know they’ve placed me. Physically, I can’t do it and mentally school and life have drained me. I think I need my summer to re-coop. Hopefully, this isn’t exam craze speaking.

Feeling stressed from exams and contemplating life, newly 22 year old me

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