I don’t know in recent weeks I’ve felt a little lonely. I don’t know why though. I am always surrounded by other people. But maybe it is because my loss of connection that I once had. There was a point not so long ago that I was never lonely. I always had someone to call on and we were all so in sync. Things changed out of the blue. I had to adapt and move on. Even though I feel like I’ve moved on some hurt remains. I feel like I trust people even less than I did before. This and being super shy makes meeting people and getting to know people very difficult for me. I have so many superficial relationships with people that feel like they have no meaning. The only one I really feel close to right now is my best friend and she’s leaving me to move across the country. I know I should give other people a chance. I’ve been trying to talk to others more. But I always put up walls and though I’m conscious of them I feel like I can’t stop putting them up in the moment.
I’ve done a lot in the past year to prepare myself for my best friend moving and making meaningful relationships. It just seems so difficult at times though. I’ve gone to new places. Reconnected with old friends. Tried to be more open. But when I think back being in sync with my close friends took a long time. It took months before I could be close with them. And I shouldn’t blame my current friends for the mistakes of others. I just hope that things change soon.
I am undoubtedly an introvert I love my alone time. Sometimes I want to be close enough to others that we can have impromptu trips to the malls, movies, and restaurants. I don’t want to feel like I’m a burden to my best friend when I feel like I don’t have anyone else to call on. I fear eventually she’ll get tired of me like others have. I shouldn’t be so reliant on one person. I should spread out my friendships. I know I need to change myself and interactions so that I don’t feel lonely anymore…
Tired of being lonely, 22 year old me