*This may not make sense*
I feel upset at times with my peers. Whenever I see someone from my past they tell me how much I’ve changed. How pretty I am now. They ask me for my number, they want to hang out, and talk. They look at me like I’m an actual human being worth conversation. Like I’m not a waste of human existence. And it is upsetting. You never gave me a chance in the past. So what? It was because of my weight? The thing is I am not a different person than the me five years ago. I’m still me. More polished and mature but I am still me. I still like to have a good time. I’m still shy as anything. But fundamentally I am the same. I don’t believe that anyone can be worth more or less based on their appearance or their weight.
I’ve been told it’s better for people to think you’ve changed for the better. But when this change comes from my weight loss and people who never gave me the time of day all of a sudden feel like we’re friends because I’m thinner I’m offended. Was I not good enough for you before? Is my personality not good enough for your company? I was weaker then. More vulnerable and impressionable. I relied on others image of me as the basis of my self-image. I don’t do that anymore. I like the way I look now. I feel healthier. But to be honest there was nothing wrong with the me t from then. I look back and feel sad that I felt as terrible as I did then.
To be honest I don’t appreciate the superficial acknowledgements and relationships you want to forge based on my appearance. Whether or not you like me shouldn’t be based on my appearance. If I wasn’t good enough for you before I can guarantee that I won’t be good enough for you now. I am the same person. I have the same values.
Not sure if this makes sense, 22 year old me