I am a 22 year old girl. I’ve gone through the perils of kindergarten, elementary school, secondary school being able to have and maintain friendships. But then I grew up got a job am in post-secondary studies, and working towards building a life for myself. It seems that somewhere along the lines of growing up I forgot how to make friends. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that I had some not so good friendships and have difficulty making good ones.
I’ve mentioned this in several posts but with my best friend moving across the country I am realizing more and more with each day how much I rely on her. And how alone I will be when she leaves. I know she has my back and so many others do not. It’s so difficult to find someone who actually has your best interest at heart and I know that she does. In the past I’d believe someone cared for me, that we had something special. But it was easy for them to leave because they didn’t really care. Because of this I fear that I can’t make good friends because things never seem to work out.
There is also the fact that when I do get along with someone really well our personalities seem to click. It’s like we are on the same wavelength. Or when I get along with someone really well I always get a good feeling about them. It’s unfair of me to do this but I hold others to the same standard. If I don’t get a special feeling within the first few times of being around them or feel like we click I usually feel like a good friendship won’t flourish. I’m also hypercritical of others. I fear that other people will be like my failed friendships were everything seemed fine and dandy and then it just wasn’t. I am scared of being hurt and I feel like every potential friendship is an opening to get hurt.
On top of that I feel like I’m always so busy between work and school that I can’t make friends. It’s not like I can’t be friendly with my coworkers and peers. I am always courteous and polite with them. I get along with these people I just don’t think that any of the relationships that I have forged at work or at home can be considered to be friendships.
I’ve been trying to figure out how can I even make friends at this age? I mean I’m a girl who frequents the library where people are between studying and reading. I’m so busy that going home and sleeping is sometimes all I need. I don’t really have social hobbies so I don’t meet new people. If I had time I would be in more hobbies I’ve done research but sometimes I think that the hobbies that I want to join won’t necessarily be an opening to meet new people my age (for example sewing and knitting classes). I don’t party or go to bars (which is a big place to meet young people).
I fear isolation but I fear groups of people as well. I always seem to assume the worst in other people which makes it harder to meet new people. I don’t have social hobbies and I hold people to an unrealistic standard. I am 22 and I literally don’t seem to be able to make new friends.
Feeling lonely, 22 year old me