I used to wear a mask of impenetrability

I used to wear the mask of impenetrability to believe that if I acted invincible that nothing could hurt me. But the truth of the matter was that I was hurt because of it. I was pushed, tested, and cracked.

I used to wear the mask of perfection but I wasn’t anywhere near perfect. I was sad, lonely, and really needed a friend. I was surrounded by so many people but none of them really knew me, or cared for me. It took me loosing everything to find what I needed was in front of me all along.

I used to wear the mask of confidence. That I thought I was beautiful, smart, successful, though I truly felt none of these things. I was constantly worried of people seeing these flaws but they were already incredibly apparent. I would try to cover what I considered my flaws only to find strength in acknowledging my weakest sides.

I used to wear the mask of selflessness. I thought that in order to receive love I would have to please others before pleasing myself. In so doing I lost many years of my life to things I did not believe in and loosing my own happiness.

I used to wear the mask of loudness. I wanted to be heard but I was never being listened to. I felt invisible and by shouting out what I was thinking others may want to hear it. When in actuality loudness wasn’t needed the right people were.

I used to wear the mask of habit. That I would I would not accept new changes because everything was already amazing. When in fact I feared that with change I would become irrelevant.

I used to wear the mask of impenetrability which wasn’t really who I am. I am vulnerable, shy, and quiet. I struggled with my self-esteem for several years before finding myself secure more and self-satisfied. I learned that when you truly care for someone being selfless does not feel like a chore but rather you find happiness in doing it. I did not need perfection to set dreams, goals, and accomplishments and achieve them. New changes brought me new gifts ones I would have longed for when wearing my mask. I found that those who ended up having the biggest impact on my life were those who could see through my mask and love me for the me underneath. It was they that gave me the strength to find confidence in who I really am.

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