Truthful or Hurtful?

Recently, when I am around you it’s like walking on eggshells. I tip toe around things carefully but I always seem to set of landmines. Recently, things have come up and I know it’s because what is bothering you and I have been having some conflicts. I fear since I am already on eggshells that there really isn’t a way to bring this up. I am afraid that since what I hold are landmines that they could blow our friendship up.

I’ve always trusted you for your honesty. Honesty that no one has ever shown me. Most times I appreciate it. But then there are times like today…you make comments sometimes that make me want to literally burst out and cry. I know you’re being honest but do you know you are being insensitive? Sometimes you just take things to far and I’m not sure if you think it helps me or not.

One day you sing me praises. The next you take me for a fool. I just don’t know what to do…

I value you because your are honest. But sometimes your honesty is to much. You say you won’t lie but I’d prefer that lie to grappling with your words. Are you being truthful or hurtful? I don’t want to think about it that way. I know that you are suffering is that why you caused me pain?

I try not to seem like I am cocky. Though I know I found pride in myself. But sometimes your words and opinions crush me since I hold you in such high regard. Sometimes I think you want to stunt me. To hold me back so I can be more like you. And sometimes my struggles amuse you because I have done what you frequently do.

I shouldn’t be contemplating this so thoroughly. But your words they cut me deep. If you see things that way does everyone else? I am a joke once more? A joke not to myself but to the world? A lady-girl who tries to hard to hold her head up high?

Or is it you just simply twisting words? I wish I knew the answer to these questions. I wish I could be more direct and to the point. But I don’t  have the courage to face you. Because despite this I more terrified of loosing you.

Desperately confused 22-year old me

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