My best friend an me-Update

So I think I mentioned earlier that my best friend and I got into a fight because I decided not to go on the trip with her. What I did not divulge in is that she made the decision herself  not to move away. I think we both held resentment towards each other at that point. The thing was I knew she wasn’t confident about moving away.  And it scared me that I would go with her only to have decide she was moving back 1-2 weeks later. In order to go on this trip I would be in a car with her for 5-6 days and be with her for another 3-4 days in the city so about 11 day trip. Something I was not sure our friendship would survive considering how upset I was with her. She was mad because she felt like it was my obligation to go and that cancelling a few days prior, and claimed I did not care about her at all. The day I cancelled was also the day that she was telling me that she didn’t really want to go, that she didn’t really want the educational pursuits that she was following, that she hadn’t planned anything for the trip, or found a place to live. It was that feeling of knowing that I had prepared, that her family had prepared, that we’d done our part for the trip and she wasn’t doing anything for herself. With all the doubts I’d been having and my negative emotions and feelings I decided not to go.

We fought about my not going and the trip. Or more like she personally attacked me and I did nothing. In the end after several insulting texts of several days,  I was frustrated enough to tell her to stop texting me and that I don’t and have never talked to the way she was and that every time she is upset she does that to me. It wasn’t fair and I told her I wasn’t dealing with it.

Basically we talked. I think it made her feel better but it didn’t make me feel much better because in the end she stated that she was upset with herself and that she was taking her anger out on everyone. But for me it’s been like this for months now. Months she’s been upset about her situation and she is taking it out on other people. To be honest I think it’s not an admissible argument to treat the people around you badly.  Especially, considering how long its been going on. And since she made the decision to not move her actions have been very erratic. Like sending me nonsensical texts or being mad at me for things I can’t control.

It’s also frustrating because when we talked I tried to make hr see how her words were hurtful, intended so, and that it isn’t right to talk to people like that. And she honestly didn’t see it as wrong. It concerns me that she honestly doesn’t seem to understand that what she did was wrong

I feel bad for being upset and avoidant with her considering how much she is dealing with right now and the fact that she is facing backlash for not moving. However, I don’t like how she treats me. I don’t like how she has been making me feel. I don’t like how she has been accusing me of things that I haven’t done, or felt and make me feel like I am constantly being judged or tested. She’s been saying I don’t like being around her when she has been the one cancelling or not following through. Or telling me how I don’t like her because she brings me down when I haven’t felt that way but now don’t want to be accused of that so I have been wary around her.

She’s been so down about everything and comparing herself to me constantly. And the way she does it makes me feel bad for what I have. She also introduces things like I don’t deserve what I have accomplished which can makes me upset. Nothing has ever come naturally or easy for me. Everything I have I have had to work very hard for. The way she acts like stuff has just happened for me makes me angry. It undermines all I have done. And it’s not like I don’t compliment her or offer her help. It’s that she doesn’t want to help herself. So there’s not much I can do but be supportive and receive her scorn in return.

I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells and its exhausting. I want to be a good friend but this is overwhelming for me because nothing I do is right. There has been one time in my friendship with my best friend when things we’re like this for nearly a year and half. During that time I had other close friends who knew her and me and we were all close. They got me through it and I was able to re-establish a friendship with my best friend. However, those friends are gone now. It’s just me and my bestie and I don’t know what to do to get through this.

Don’t want to be a bad friend but don’t want to be a pin cushion,

22-year-old-me

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “My best friend an me-Update

  1. Well at least you tried to talk everything through with her but if she still doesn’t see how her actions were wrong and hurtful then I doubt she ever will.
    Can’t believe she’s now chosen not to move away so I’m really glad you didn’t go on the trip in the end because I would have been so mad if she’d made you spend all that money to go on the trip with her only for her to change her mind or come back a few weeks later.
    I hope you guys are able to save your friendship, even somewhat.

    Like

    • I think I’ve figured that recently, she just doesn’t seem to understand how her actions and attitudes can affect other people. Or at least not in the appropriate context…
      Yeah…I know it caused a lot of friction and we are both pretty peeved at each other about the situation. But she admitted to me that if I went on this trip she would have still moved and regretted it. So she thanked me for cancelling so she didn’t feel pressured to go when she didn’t want it. Though she still made it clear that she was mad about how I did things and she didn’t like my reasoning.
      I hope we can work things out. As things are now I am just going to try to be supportive and not push things so hopefully we can still get along because I’d hate to not be friends with her because she really is still a good person. And though we are experiencing a rough patch she usually is a really great friend to have 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s