You know that popular crew? Those people who just naturally have some kind of magnetic energy? That’s my siblings. I’m serious. It’s like someone implanted magnets under my brother’s and my sister’s skin. I watch it happens. Their bright white perfect smiles. How their energy just seems to increase to radiant levels when they start talking to other people. Doesn’t matter where or how my brother and sister will walk away with a new friend/follower. I’ve always admired that about them. I am shy as anything. I have a near impossible time interacting with people even when they are interested in getting to know me. Sometimes I seriously wonder what is wrong with me. Did I get the wrong end of the genetic pool or what?!
Well I guess being different from siblings is nothing new is it? My brother and sister have a lot of happiness being surrounded by many people. Being around groups of people only generates anxiety and stress in me. I don much better on a one on one basis. I’m not sure if they completely understand that. I mean I love being my alone time. I like silence maybe more than your average person. I like being alone with my thoughts, my music, my books. It just makes me happy to know that I have time for just me. That isn’t t say I hate people or being around people. There are many a times I wish I was surrounded by more friends. Not a huge group or anything but just two or three other friends I could be close with. I mean I am a little lonely but I feel like if I put enough effort into making new relationships that I can make close friends.
Even then I don’t think I would meet what my brother and sister consider happiness. My sister seems to think that I am some sort of recluse. And though I do consider myself a rather awesome hermit I don’t think I have no social ability like she seems to think. Recently, I talked to her. She seems to think I am to uptight, like I don’t know how to relax. Sometimes I don’t have time to between work, school, life, friends, etc. However, I can at times. Additionally, the things she finds let her “let loose” would probably stress me out or give me a panic attack!
My brother and sister love to let go being around others. Partying, clubbing, that’s some of the things they really enjoyed in university. I don’t enjoy either of those things. Lord knows that if I did I might actually fit into a school known for partying and in a program of partyers. Put I don’t that actually is a huge component of my social problems at school. I don’t go to extra curricular meetings and never have because they are at clubs or bars. it saves me having to explain those things at the clubs or coming off as a snob when that isn’t why I don’t do those things. I don’t begrudge anyone for partying because it IS FUN for a lot of people. But groups freak me out and I feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I wish I was more normal in that regard but I’m not so I miss out and seem ruder than I am.
But because I am introverted in my mannerisms my sister seems to think I am unhappy. And I’m not. I am happy with my life. I am happy with what I have accomplished. Sure I wish I had a few more friends but it doesn’t make me sad? Maybe part of me feeling the way I do is because I know I am trying to make friends in my own way and being myself. I feel like eventually doing things the good old fashion way eventually I will make friendships that truly matter. But I don’t want her to worry about me anymore because I am happy and I am not doing badly.
Love my worried extrovert of sister,
22-year old me