Is it me or does it feel crummy when someone you know liked you or suspect liked you no longer does? Is it superficial when it makes you feel worse when they don’t? Or when the girl they like after you looks like a runway model? The funny thing is I am used to this. I’m used to maybe thinking that someone might potentiallylike me? GAAHHH! Yes I just said that! But sometimes I think that maybe it might be possible that guys like me…I know this mind blowing stuff even to me people (or person like the one person reading this other than myself hopefully?!). But I think that even more baffling than that is that a guy(s) (possibly one other) might have thought that I was cute in my program. Now be mindful I am never sure with guys in my program because the ratio of hotness at my school is just ridiculous. But there are a few times that a guy might smile at me a little more, or sit next to me for no reason or something that makes me think that maybe there is something there?
But I am slow. I never realize these things when they are happening. And by the time I think to give the person a chance I’ve waited to long and they move on. Recently, this happened and I can say that it kind of sucks. I think I may have started crushing on this person maybe a little bit…I mean he seems like a really nice person, the that fact that he even tried to be nice to me in my program says a lot, and even though I am not look conscious of looks and have never considered someone because of their looks I can admit that he is cute…I guess it really is no surprise that he has so many girls like him. It’s really not surprising he moved on because he’s got options…better options.
I think the thing that bothers me in these situations is that I feel like something is there. And then there isn’t. And then I think that it’s all in my head and I am crazy…is it really that weird that anyone might ever be interested in me? In this case it is particularly perplexing because sometimes he’s smiley and other times he looks at me like the other guys do…with the intimidation method the look that makes me feel like I am some sort of alien not worth their time….It makes me wonder why he would try and talk to me in the first place…I just don’t like the mind games. I mean if I could I would wear a human billboard that said “BE CLEAR CAN’T ALWAYS CONNECT THE DOTS”. The game of he likes, she likes, is so frustrating. It’s a game I can’t play and suck at.
The funny thing is this weird situation is progress…
Seriously contemplating how I will ever know when someone likes me when they don’t outright say it,
22-year old me