Seeing people from high school after all these years is awkward…especially the guys

Seeing people from high school again is awkward…it’s not something I look forward too or get excited about…in fact in most cases I run for the hills or whatever isle I can weave into to get away from them. But it is always, always awkward when I can’t avoid them or they corner me. With females the reaction tends to be them telling me how good look since I lost weight and what I did to loose all the weight that did. And my reaction is to be polite even though I hate people telling me I look pretty after loosing weight because it implies they thought I was horrendous fat (and yes that is an apt word to describe how people thought of me just see their current reactions and you will agree!). But with the girls they may make their two cents and they walk away.

With my former male classmates IF they recognize me they stare, and they stare, and they stare, and it feels awkward and awful! It’s like they won’t very well tell me I look different or better or anything. A few times I have gotten a head nod in acknowledgement or something…But it just feels wrong. To the guys I was chummy with it’s awkward and I think ‘dude remember when we sat together for four years’…’we went to elementary school together and we used to play together’…’remember that one time I beat you up in grade two’? But none of that happens…they just stare and it gets awkward and then I just feel weird and feel like running away. So much for being mates now!

My best friend (who also went to the same high school) thinks my reaction is strange. She talks so naturally to them. Though I suppose that’s easy because she’s never had to buy pads and your ex-male class mate always seem to work around your period and you want to melt in the tiles because he’s embarrassed and your embarrassed and he now knows all the embarrassing details of your period’s character, flow, and potentially length. Because THAT is embarrassing and I now go to the wall-mart to address my feminine hygiene needs.

[anywho no longer scarring people reading this and back to regular programming!]

I don’t think my best friend gets that it’s weird and frustrating that she can act so normal with so many of the guys from high school but I can’t anymore. It’s like holy crap under all that bro-ness there was a girl…and she isn’t fugly! To some of them I get particularly angry…the ones who think they can get with me now after they made me feel really insecure with mean comments when I felt terrible about myself with teenage angst. It’s like seriously? Want me now do you? After what? Making fun of me or being the doormat who did nothing to stop it? It’s kind of one of those situations where I feel like you didn’t want to get to know me because you thought I wasn’t worth it and now I am telling you I don’t want to get to know you because I know all I need to know. But even these people will stare, and stare, and stare.

But yes seeing people from high school is always very very awkward. They all have the same drama, the same friends, the same relationships. It’s odd that that’s what my high school mates are like but I suppose that’s what happen when you stay in this city. The people are all the same so why not hang out with the same people? So I guess it IS weird to these people that  I have changed so much since high school (or at least physically to them I don’t think they will ever understand the other aspects of my life I’ve changed as well).

But it is still bizarre that these people stare and stare and stare…Is there an elephant trunk sticking out of my forhead is that way!

anywho

feeling awkward being stared at by familiar faces,

22-year-old me

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