Sometimes distance, misunderstandings, and miscommunication can lead to big problems. Recently, I found myself absolutely becoming wary and angry about one of my friends. She’d made a comment that upset me, which shouldn’t have surprised me. I’m sure it wasn’t personal but she can be self-deprecating and become deprecating to others because she doesn’t have happiness with herself. It wasn’t personal but it felt personal. After that I became quite busy with life (I’m taking advantage of almost all opportunities that have arose). What this means is that I have been scattered between academics, work, vocals, and volunteering/seminars.
What made this frustrating was despite the fact that I was a little upset with my friend she wasn’t contacting me. And she seemed distant when I reached out to her. Her attitude seemed to make it clear that she didn’t want to talk to me and it was making me upset. I feel as though I am the one who often maintains relationships in my life (most of my friends are even more reclusive and sometimes antisocial then I am). She seemed like she was fine if we simply stopped talking. On top of that she made a new friend. Not there is anything wrong with that. But it was frustrating because she seemed to compare me a little to much to this friend and about random things that could be annoying.
Eventually, we actually had a conversation and it wasn’t all that productive. Like I said she was distant. Then she seemed to be unhappy with the things I did tell her. I.e. I told her about some of the new things I was doing and how I was happy about it. And instead of being happy about the progress I was making she seemed to question it. In fact she expressed resentment about me doing all these new things and seeking out all these opportunities. I felt a little sad because not just in this instance but past situations as well she demonstrated that she couldn’t be happy for me when good things happen. I was forced to acknowledge that we are different people. That we process things differently. And that the gap between us was widening.
Was this the end of our friendship? I had to ask myself. Was this resentment and distance going to be the end of our friendship? Would I just keep getting annoyed with her? Her behaviour was skittish at best and I needed to confront her but I didn’t want things to end. So I allowed the gap to grow and for my emotions in this situation to get more negative. One day; however, we ran into each other. And though odd she forced herself on me. By this point I was a little angry, a little hurt, a little apprehensive because I didn’t want her to say end things.
I am SO glad she did that. The conversation started off awkward, superficial. I was wondering why she was even bothering with me and why we couldn’t fizzle out slowly. Instead she turned to me and told me I was growing up to fast and she was afraid that I would be the one to leave her! It was unbelievable. Here I was thinking that she was mad at me because of her indifference/negativity to the good things happening to me. And it wasn’t because she wasn’t acknowledging them as good or that she was mad at me. She was scared of loosing me and it came off as being unhappy angry. Had I known this I would never have reciprocated her anger and would have reassured her.
So here we were. Two people who had been friends forever. And we couldn’t interpret each other for the life of each other. I am glad things were resolved but this just goes to show the importance of communication.
Have a good night~
22-year old me