Lately, I’ve been reminiscing about younger me. Maybe it is because it is my last year of school. Maybe it was because I logged into facebook for the first time in months a few weeks ago and was seeing how others where doing. And all I can think about is how much things have changed since then.
I was a very different girl back then. Sure, I was less fashionable, a little chubbier, a lot more obnoxious, and boisterous. However, I was still very much me. I had more “friends” back then even though I know that isn’t what they were then. I had less social anxiety and awkwardness then. And in a way my social self was different then my personal self.
But back then I did not have good relationships with myself and others. And at least now I know I have a much healthier relationship with family and myself. My friendships (those that still exist anyway) are much healthier than they were then. At least now if I do loose friends it tends to be because we are growing apart and not the rumour spreading, backstabbing, betrayal ensuing things high school.
And I realize that I have grown a lot since then. I have developed a stronger self of sense. And the things I once hated about myself I now embrace as a part of me and strive to create change when I feel it necessary: that took a lot of work. But that’s not just it. My perspective of life has changed so much now. I see hope and opportunity. And instead of asking “why me” I ask myself “what can I do to get through this and make this better”.
There are a lot of positive changes that have ensued. And unlike the younger me I realize that I am still young and that is okay. That my life has so many doors that have yet to be opened and there is so much to be done and that there is time to figure things out. I seek instant gratitude less frequently. And I seek to please myself instead of pleasing others all the time (this you can do but I believe it should not be done to the point where you can’t focus on your own needs). And I realize that I do not need to have the world figured out and show people I do.
There is still so much that I don’t know. So much that I will never know. And I see beauty in that. Beauty in not knowing. Beauty upon discovery. Beauty in my growing pains.