I think it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating because I know some of the people in my life love me. But they really don’t care. Which can be frustrating because I love and care for everyone. Often times I inconvenience myself and set myself back for people who wouldn’t bat an eyelash at my expense. They say things like I am being to kind or to generous but what it comes down to is that they are telling me not to expect the same from them.
I don’t know how to fix the fact that intrinsically I want to make the people in my life happy. And though it may set me back I want them to see that I love and care for them. It’s sad when no one provides me with this reciprocation, it’s lonely, and it makes me question myself. I want to people to care. Shouldn’t caring for others mean I should be cared for by others? In reality it really doesn’t. It requires them to want to care and do things that show they care. And sometimes no amount of showing that you care for that person is enough.
At times the lack of caring has made me feel like something is wrong with me. When I was younger I often contemplated if I was even loveable to anyone. Only to discover that to be loved is different than to be cared for. People can love you but that doesn’t always mean that they will take the initiative to care.
So if you have someone who cares who loves you and cares be grateful. Because not all people are required to care. To be loved and cared for is a commodity that not all people are granted with.