My appearance is the tip of the iceberg the rest is submerged and requires more than a glance

People have such a hard time figuring me out. I’m not a what you see is what you get kind of person. I am definitely forth coming with people but I won’t lay all my cards out upon  “hello”.

I think in High School people saw me and my physical type and thought “geek”, “looser”, or “other”. I wasn’t on anyone’s radar and it wasn’t surprising that I was a geek. Or that I was a tomboy because I dressed tomboyish. People just saw what was on the outside and based assumptions on that. It’s not like I wasn’t a geek but there was more to me than what they saw.

Now people don’t really get that I am a geek. People at school definitely think I am bookish because I am always reading on the bus or during breaks. People talk. But at work? Not so much. People also don’t think that I am geeky as much. They see my hair, makeup, clothes.

I am still as much as a geek as I was in High School. I still love listening to unique music, I still make crappy videos when I’m bored, I still sing, I am more nerdy and bookish, definitely still an introvert, I’m a little more selfish, a little kinder, overall wiser. But it’s not like you will see that when you meet me. You won’t know that old and terrible horror movies crack me up. You won’t know that my childhood didn’t consist of Barney because my brother monopolized the TV so I grew up with WWF (when it was called that still), Dragon Ball, and Dragon Ball Z (I blame him for getting me into animes actually). ( And yes we had one TV growing up, then two in late elementary, and three when my brother moved out).

Most people are shocked when they find out that I have tomboyish tendencies. That there is a little spice in my personality. That generally I know more about super heroes than the boys in the group. That I love animes and manga still (even though I wish I had more time for it). That I can listen to heavy metal or screamo and appreciate it. People don’t seem to get that I can dress soft and sweet (most of the time) but that I can dress darker and punkish too (because that’s where my style proficiency started and I still like the look). People don’t see that I can be rough and tumble because I grew up being rock-bottomed for most of my childhood. I love videogames even though I don’t currently have a system (my graduation present to myself) but for most of my life I was a gamer and understand references. By my looks people don’t expect me to be intelligent or witty. I think by my demeanor people don’t see that I have social anxiety or that I feel insecure about social situations.

What people see is the very tip of the iceberg. In order to know me I need to get closer with people. I feel like people reading my blog or even this post in particular will get to know more about me than people I’ve known for years. And it all comes down to seeing the face value and not the intrinsic one.

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