Not starting off too well…

I know that so far things aren’t looking good for me. Especially, after waking up to this, this morning. It’s one of those situations where I have to question the professionalism and wonder “is this the kind person I will have to deal with forever”. Not only this, but it’s entirely mean spirited. It’s giving you a gift, snatching it away, and hitting you with a hammer. I’ve weighed my options for weeks in anxiety. Finally, to breathe a breath of fresh air. Only to have the air ripped from my longs. Literally, leaving me breathless, suffocating on the situation I now have to deal with. I flailed and I struggled spiraling into my anger. Then sadness and anxiety quaked me to my core. Now I simply feel the dull acceptance the feeling of being an empty husk of knowing that there is nothing, nothing go to make this situation change.

Not being given anything would have been better than this. Now I find myself stuck in the what ifs of if you hadn’t taken it away. What I could have done differently. How this will impact my future…

Being me I will need to look up I will need to find peace in myself. I know all that I did wrong. But I know that this is out of spite. I will not go down without saying my peace. I will come back from this stronger.

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