I need to deal properly

I need to emotionally face the fact that I am dealing with a pretty terrible situation. I feel like I don’t want to try and fake this. That it is all going to be honkey-dorey because it won’t be. Not for awhile anyway…I’m trying to hold it together and I feel like by acting like I am fine and normal I am not helping myself. I feel angry with people around me because they aren’t considerate of what I am going through. But I’m mad the next when someone tries talking to me about the situation because I don’t want to contemplate it anymore than I already am (which feels like every 5 seconds). It’s frustrating and maddening and it makes me so sad that I have to go through this. I need to properly grieve because if things remain this way I’ll probably blow up. I have to cope with things. Putting on false pretenses to not worry other people isn’t feeling healthy. I won’t impede myself from happiness and things that bring me joy. It’s just that this situation is miserable. I don’t think I’d want this to happen to anyone. I think I just need to properly bum this out for as many days/weeks it takes to recover. Because there is a lot of damage control that needs to happen right now…

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