I’m under a lot of strain

Life changes are happening so fast…suddenly I have to adjust to new workplace, new hours, new people…All my extracurriculars fly out the window and by some weird twist of fate those that I have signed up for have been cancelled. I know that I need to do something outside of this but I feel like I can’t adjust to what I have now and adding something else right now may be too much to handle at once…I’ll give it one more week hand in two more assignments  and then I will definitely try to find something else!

The thing that makes it hard is that right now these changes don’t feel all that positive. I am challenged on every level. While I am adjusting, while I am learning, and just when I feel like I am doing alright I get told that I am not. My moods may seem like that of a petulant child. But perhaps that is a result of me feeling like that is how I am being treated anyway. The whole time I feel jilted.

They all said this would be the most memorable, dynamic, and best experience I’d get. But instead I feel stressed, frazzled, and sleep deprived. Often times my body aches as a result. My anxiety has reared is ugly head. And I am often times berated, demeaned, and belittled. Somehow I feel like the experience I was promised is not the one I am receiving. I find myself worried as to whether I can be successful in this situation. I want to rebel. I want to tell them what I think, how I feel,  and how I am not being helped. But I am not in a position to do so, so I take it quietly while I start to hate the experience and the actions of the ones who are making it so negative…

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