And then I realized something…

I realized that I was miserable. I was so unhappy with the way things were. There was so much I couldn’t control and up until that point I never realized how much I needed to feel in control. Nothing was working it was turbulent and I was stressed out. But the thing that made this worse was that I had no control. There were obvious implications to this. However, in the end all I could do was try my best. What became the problem was not that I had no control. It was that I began to ruminate on things. I couldn’t let go ever. I was under constant pressure with no relief. I stopped doing things I enjoyed. I couldn’t just let myself let go at the end of the day. That’s were the rest of this will change. Maybe I can’t control everything. Maybe I can’t control this situation. Maybe it will lead to results that impede me. But in knowing I am trying my best I will try to accept the situation. And I will no longer punish myself by not allowing myself a well deserved breather and time to come back to myself. I won’t stop doing things I enjoy and in the end I know I will endure this somehow and move on.

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