Sometimes I want to be spoiled

Is it petulant? Sometimes I want that? Some people would say yes. And I would understand that.

There’s never been someone to do something for me voluntarily.

If I wanted to feel spoiled I’d have to beg. Beg and beg and plead. To the point where the point of being spoiled was soiled by the fact the fact that I knew I’d needed to plead for something.

The fact is sometimes I crave it. I’ve always worked hard. I’ve never had a break. I’ve always needed to be responsible and keep it together for other people.

I’ve always had to be the rock and I’ve never had the opportunity to break down.

I work so hard that sometimes I just want it. Some gratitude. A thank you. Someone to acknowledge how much I do and how much I’ve sacrificed, and just appreciate me.

I don’t get that.

I never get that.

Even when  I beg for it even when I’ve pleaded for it. I don’t get that.

I know this dynamic isn’t normal. Or maybe it is normal. That someone puts themselves and there happiness on the line for other people who don’t appreciate it or acknowledge it, that, that person learns to normalize it.

But sometimes. Not often. You want it a thank you, a nice gesture, someone to spoil you, and not make you feel guilty or selfish.

Nothing fancy, or expensive, but for that little while you want to feel cherished.

 

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