For the longest time I always said that things weren’t happening because I just wasn’t desirable. I thought that I just wasn’t wanted and because I was so inside my head I couldn’t see past that. To an extent there were people who just weren’t that serious. But on the otherhand I made myself unavailable. I was constantly in my head. Always overanlysizing everylast detail over and over. The more I replayed interactions the more I would assign meaning to other people’s words and actions.

The thing is I can’t read other people’s minds. I should say I of all people especially can’t I simply haven’t had enough experiences even  though I’m this age.

When I was young I had low self esteem so I simply refused to acknowledge that others could find interest in me. Or I would become protective of them because I didn’t want them to have to deal with the turbulence in my life. I mean looking forward a lot of the crazy in my life is out of my control and in my lifs it’s no longer the main factor. And I guess on the other hand you don’t pile everything on someone you’ve just met right?

What I’ve come to realize is that I just need to take a chance on people. Stop over analyzing and just let the interactions happen if it falls through then oh well right? We can’t always hit a home run. I’m okay with falling down sometimes but I feel like I can finally open the door to other people I really want too!

 

 

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