Is it wrong of me?

To want you to be attracted to me? I mean maybe it is vain of me. But the thing is I think chemistry is important…

I think it just worries me. I’ve seen it happen and heard of it happening so many times before. That moment when you think you’ve found someone who cares about you and they don’t feel that same feeling, or attraction, and then they look for it elsewhere.

My whole life I was plagued with insecurities. I struggled to fight my demons and become a me I am more proud of. I’m at my best mentally right now and I just worry that this progress could be teared down by someone who doesn’t see the good in me.

When I was in high school there was a friend of a friend dating this boy. He didn’t see how beautiful, smart, funny, and witty she was. She was such a great girl but she didn’t have confidence in herself. He didn’t see what was good in her and he would constantly hit on other girls, he hit on me frequently, and at that time I hadn’t known  he was in a relationship until I told my friend about how strong he’d come off. Then she told me about him being in a relationship. For 2 more years I watched this girl struggle. For all I know she’s still with him.

I don’t want to be hurt that way. And I think everyone not just girls deserves to feel wanted. So I am worried. I’m worried that the last time I got nothing from you. It was instant disappointment like “I must have been imagining that there was something there.” But then I question the me that instantly shuts things down when there is doubt. I think of how I still haven’t had a relationship at this age. And that I probably AM to selective.

So maybe I shouldn’t give up entirely. I mean maybe I should try one more time. Maybe we aren’t “dating material” , maybe we just talk once in a while…Ultimately, I feel like I am going to be okay no matter what though…

 

 

 

 

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