With my birthday coming up I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection…

may not.pngI’ve always been  the type to self-reflect. I don’t always criticise myself but I like to think about things I’ve done, ways I can  improve, what I truly want, and where I am going. But with my birthday coming up I guess I’ve been  doing a lot of wondering as to what I am doing. For those of you who don’t know I am 23 turning 24 an d somehow 24 has a lot of weight on it. More than  23 that’s for sure. At 23 I was literally just finished undergraduate school, not even considered to be graduated, and was so excited to start working. Thinking back I knew something was off even then I was so tired.

My problem then was for the first few months after graduating I didn’t have a solid plan. I wanted a little resting time to re-coop but that never happened. I felt myself becoming more and more drained rather than more energized . Before I knew it months had passed of this struggling. By that point I’m pretty sure that all my classmates were employed. Then  I got bummed out about not doing more and slowly I tried getting out of the hole I had dug for myself.

Now I am not the kind of person who dwells on what ifs. I could think of all the things I could have done prior to not end up here. I am  not hopeless. I’ve been thinking long hard about what the me right now needs to do to be where I want to be. And to be honest I think the next 6 weeks will really determine the what next stage for me. I’ve been doing things I have been dreading but they are all in the interest of me moving forward.

I know the world doesn’t really care about what the last 10 months have been like and I honestly doubt that the work world remotely cares about why I’ve been out of the game for so long. And honestly? I understand how much this has and will impact me professionally. But at least now I have a concrete plan set dates, people I’ve come to contact. I need to communicate more that’s for darn sure, forget the being ashamed of what’s going on bit. I let useful networks erode because I felt shamed for not doing more sooner, I felt like I couldn’t say “well I’ve been sick really sick I didn’t want to work because a) I didn’t think I could physically handle 12 hour shifts and rotating days and nights and b) I didn’t think that I should be working a job that requires me to be 120% of myself when I couldn’t even function  at 40%.

Ultimately, I don’t mind having to start somewhere lower on the ladder than I  had initially planned. Rather I think this is necessary so I get back skills and competencies that may have been lost over the past few years. I also plan to continue schooling. It’s not something super intensive but if I do this I know I can  be exactly where I want to be by June of 2018. The difference is that I will have work experience (and will probably working part-time throughout this time), that will help me get to my end goal by 2018.

It won’t be easy. However, recent developments have suggested that it is possible and that by September (when the advanced course starts) that I should be within full functioning health.

I know that I am not 100% there yet, I know I am not where I want to be, but as long as I use the tools that I have been given  and  keep moving forward I can really turn this situation around wish me luck! 🙂

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