Under pressure

Have you ever been in a situation when you thought the pressure couldn’t be any heavier and then out of nowhere more things pile up?

I feel like when I was a kid life was all about “trying your best” and it always worked out in the end. As an adult sometimes ‘trying your best’ isn’t enough. Sometimes you fall down but its about getting back up again.

But at times like this…. it’s a lot. So many things have been piling up at once. Despite my efforts things have been hard and not particularly getting better. The problem is the pressure is on right now. Not tomorrow, not next week, now.

Just when I feel like one thing is resolved I get slapped even harder with something even worse, something unexpected. I was so disheartened and these experiences have really made me swallow my pride.

I absolutely don’t want to delay my plans for school this fall and that requires me to get my exam and registration together by August which is a month away. But on top of that finances are so bad that I know that if I don’t work more I’m going to be making sacrifices that I won’t be able to stomach. And regret that I will feel for years to come.

It’s hard because it all seems to be clustering in a way that I’m not equipped to deal with. I want more than anything to be able to just get everything figured out and to at least feel some form of calmness but things have just been one disaster rolling over the next. I’ve been trying my best to hold on and manage it all. To not feel like a failure. But a lot of the time I feel like I’m caught in this current that’s too strong for me to swim out of. I want to take things one at a time but there are too many conflicting issues to do that. I have to whack multiple at once.

To make matters worse health wise I am still very much a mess. Just trying to move forward despite my deteriorating symptoms.

But right now I am under a ton of pressure from multiple sources I’m simply trying to tick off what I can so that the load I am baring doesn’t crush me completely….

Right now I can feel the weight of the pressure. The feel of a hoard of butterflies let loose in my stomach. My body literally trembles with the stress of my situations. Reallistically, I know that there will be a solution but will it come in time? I can only hope that it will…for now this is me under pressure…

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