What I’m Finding With Life is that You are Either Too Busy or You Are Too Busy By Trying To Become Busy…

So at this point I’ve talked everyone’s ear off (who actually reads this) about wanting to do more, trying to get back on the wagon, and making plans. But the funny thing is that life’s plans seldom work out as we initially anticipated. Or at least in my life there is always some form of pushback. Which means modifying your plans and trying to adapt. The most current case of this has been me trying to procure a new job and making more money to accommodate my cats (and my) needs because I am no longer able to financially fund their most current health episode.

Long story short, cats are sickly, frequent vet visits, now they have food  allergies added  to the list, food allergies cost $$$ which means I needed to make more money with a more regular job rather than the temp positions I was working.

That has meant many, many resumes being handed out. And still no stable job to actually fix the problem accept a temp position which I may get 2 weeks from now that won’t pay enough to cover the expense. Thus, I am in the same position as I was starting this whole “finding a job” crusade.

I mean I answer my job applications honestly because I do in fact have a degree. Now if there was a larger space to say “what are you doing with it/why here” I’d say “I am not actually able to utilize this degree for another 1 1/2-2 years and all my courses are online which means wide open availability and that I won’t just say “F off” a month from now.

I’ve tried everything! Even my old job (even though I knew I was barking up the wrong tree because my managers actually left and there were 2 new managers coming just as I was leaving which means no history, rapport, loyalty, etc). For all I know that new manager they are calling could be giving a bad reference to the places I was applying to.

But at  the end of the day I am honest. I’m not a liar and it’s not in my nature so maybe that’s me being stupid at the cost of employment but I don’t want to start something off by lying.

It’s been really time consuming because of the amount of hours it takes going around town meeting people and filling applications, handing out resumes, changing cover letters/resumes. The regulars of job hunting and it’s so uncertain. Part of job searching is qualifications is just luck and I haven’t had much of it this year, or last. Another component is job hunting is largely out of your control, if you aren’t what they are looking for that’s basically it, and sometimes it takes time before someone says “Aha! Let’s give that girl a chance!” . There’s a rather large cloud of uncertainty that shrouds job hunting because you never know when you get it, it could be next week, next month, or even next year. It really depends on what the sands of fate decide….

On top of that there is this push to write my exam (and pass), go back to school for September, and find some volunteering opportunities. Even thinking about it makes me tired and I know it will be challenging especially considering the living situation I have had to adopt just to support the way my body has been. I’ve also been sceptical about doing so much knowing how weak I’ve been but at this point life isn’t allowing me to go at my own pace and I am being forced into doing things faster just so that I can continue to survive.

It’s sorta sucky though because now even though I’m not considered “busy”  I am busy “trying to become busy”.


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