When did it become like this?

That our relationship seems to be solely founded on me doing things for you? That I can’t even motivate you to come see me unless you get something from it? I feel like once you get what you want,  you can’t wait to get away from me. It’s honestly frustrating. I feel like this isn’t how our relationship should be. I try so hard. Often times even biting my tongue to refrain from conflict.

But I can’t be the only one trying. I try, I try for my friends and harder for my family. Because I’ve always wanted that. A familial bond between us, to feel supported, to offer support. I want to be able to come to you when things are at their best and at their worst. I want to here about your successes and failures.

That isn’t how things are though. We certainly don’t have a reciprocal relationship. Once you’ve talked about yourself you don’t want to hear about me to any capacity. When I come to your house I can only stay long enough to clean and cook before I feel forced out.

I know how you feel about the family but sometimes I’m left wondering what did I ever do to you? I can’t think of anything…and most times you tell me how much you appreciate me or are neutral with me…but you don’t want to make an effort.

We don’t do things together. To be honest I’m pretty sure that’s how my relationship is with everyone but our sister. Who I only see once a year but she makes an effort. We go to a restaurant, or movie, or shop but I value that time. I appreciate it. We aren’t perfect but I feel the affection she has for me. I know that sometimes our road may be bumpy but I love her and I know that we are both willing to put in the work. I feel like there’s security in our future.

But when it comes to you I honestly have no idea. I want us to have a future but if you don’t think it’s worth it to you. I think that there’s a good chance of you just cutting off association completely with me at some point.

I feel like one day all we will have is memories. And what it seems like is that I won’t even have many of those of you, or that the only ones I will have are you trying to get away from me.

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