Feeling a little less trapped *Monthly Update-July

I think this month I’ve really been pushing myself to try different things. Some of them haven’t necessarily been better (*cough *cough shitty temp job *cough cough*) but some have been really enlightening. They’ve really told me where I am right now, where I want to be, and that just because I haven’t hit my big goals yet it doesn’t mean that my life has to be on hold forever.

I know I still need to write my exam, figure out school by registering in September/October, if the exam goes well. I also need to figure out getting a more regular job/income because I know my finances are bleak and drowning so figuring them out sooner rather than later is important.

It’s also pretty important that if I am undertaking school and work that they are harmonious. That I can’t still figure it out and have a decent work life balance.

Figuring out my health is really important to me but I understand that I can only control so much of that aspect. With what me and my GP were gearing towards it could take years to be diagnosed. If it does take years I can’t put my life on complete pause to figure it out. I need to be secure in my life and manage this health condition even if it doesn’t improve, I want to feel purposeful with my life. I know I can make a difference in the profession I chose but it takes a little more time to be in a place where I can manage work/life/health in the way I want to.

That being said I am a 24 year old female. I want to live my life a little more. I love Jay, she’s great but things have been strained recently and I’m not sure. To be honest I feel the best course of action at least for me was to sort of take a timeout from it. So I resolved to meet some new people. Some meetings were a little awkward but I think I feel some friendships budding which makes me feel better. I feel like my social anxiety makes me feel trapped sometimes. It’s like I want to make friends again, I had some really good friendships in the past, that sort of just didn’t work out over time, and I never got them back. Making some effort doesn’t mean that things will be amazing right off the bat, it doesn’t mean that I will just click with people right away. But it’s something and I feel less like if goodness forbid Jay grow apart, or drift, that I won’t be all alone again.

Romantically, I had a flattering few days but I didn’t pursue it since I decided to take a bit of step back, I think that until I have work or the exam figured out I don’t want to pursue something. It isn’t entirely fair because I don’t know where I am at and I want to figure it out. I want to take a few months if necessary to figure it out.

I’ve been trying to eat healthier, and I’ve been doing lighter-medium intensity exercises just so I don’t feel like I’m doing nothing.

I’ve made daily resolves so that each day I feel like I have accomplished something so that I can feel more positive.

The cats are 1/2 way through treatment and I can’t wait till it’s over!

I look a little different this month too. Momma took a look at my hair and booked a hair appointment for me which was really nice of her because my hair has been looking something of a rats nest and cutting it off makes it easier for me to manage. I feel newer and invigorated.

Gem (my sister) came down to visit us for the month so I am sure I will post about it this month…

So despite some monthly challenges I feel like it’s been a very informative month. And if I balanced the pros and cons I’d take away that it’s been positive. I honestly feel the best I have in months. I’m writing this feeling optimistic.


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