I Am Tired Of Words

I find that when you are going through something rough people feel the need to say something. They think that they need to comfort you or sometimes make themselves feel better by inputting their two cents. But if I am honest I’d say I am tired of words. Sometimes I don’t need you to say anything at all. In fact, most times I’d prefer it.

Sometimes life gets all sorts of messy, challenging, sad, frustrating. But during those times the last thing I usually want is to be chastised for something that I wasn’t particularly wrong doing.

Or worse yet giving false hope. Honestly, as I get older the whole “you’re not alone spiel” gets more infuriating every time someone says it…okay not every time but the notorious offenders who always say the whole “I am here for you” or “I’ve got you” and then shit hits the fan and you try to reach out to that person and they are nowhere. Fool me once shame on me, Fool me 10 times or more and that’s shame on me.

See I guess when it comes down too it I have zero expectations from people. And these days it’s not even a disappointment thing it’s just a ‘okay are you done? No seriously. Are you done?’ cause I am tired of people saying things they don’t mean. I’ve long since stopped believing things people say even on a small scale because chances are I will be disappointed and I should be making different plans resolving around things that only I can control.

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If I am Honest?

I don’t feel good about this…Not at all…and sure I have a few days to go but a few days doesn’t seem to be enough to fix this? So I am definitely wigging out I mean at this point all I can do is continue studying and hopefully getting my rationales up…but as of now? We are not looking at a confident test taker -_-“

I Don’t Know Why I Do This…

Sometimes I self-sabotage and it can be frustrating. I know what the consequences of my actions will be but I do it anyway. I know that later I will regret what I did now and yet I fall in the same habits. Sometimes I try to divert attention by doing other things that are right but ultimately won’t be as good as if I was just consistent from the start. But that’s the problem. I am not consistent. I am always up and down. When I am high it’s fine. But when I am down…well that’s where I am today. And to be honest? I’m not confident. I am terrified. And as the days on the calendar wind down all I can think to do is just refrain from doing what I might regret and hope that will be enough…